Blonde jokes
1.How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday.2.How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
3.What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? Both are empty from the neck up.
4.What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row? A wind tunnel.
5.If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first? The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
6.How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.
7.Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
8.How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
9.Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.
10.How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
11.What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.
12.What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear? ÒThanks for the refill!
13.Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better.
14.How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer? There'll be white-out on the screen.
15.What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to put information into a computer once.
16.Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
17.How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off of a cliff.
18.How does a blonde do a High-Five? She smacks herself in the forehead.
19.Why do blondes wear their hair up? To try and catch everything that's over their heads.
20.What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
21.What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
22.Why do blondes always die before help arrives? They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.
23.Why don't blondes eat pickles? Their heads always get stuck in the jar.
24.Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages.
25.Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes? Toes Go In First.
26.Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink? That's where you wash vegetables.
27.What's the advantage of being married to a blonde? You can park in a handicapped zone.
28.Why dont blondes get coffee breaks? It takes too long to re-train them.
29.What do you call a zit on a blonde's backside? A brain tumor.
30.What did the blonde call her zebra? Spot.
31.What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common. You often hear about them, but you never see one.
32.Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.? Because they can't spell it.
33.How many blonde jokes are there? None, they're all true.
34.What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have? Artificial intelligence.
35.How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.
36.What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes.
37.How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof? Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
38.What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted.
39.What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan? I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly.
40 .What's the definition of gross ignorance? 144 blondes.
41.Why did the blonde freeze in the winter? Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.
42.Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.
43.How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.? With a tire gauge.
44.How do you change a blonde's mind? Blow in her ear.
45.What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident? ÒI'll go and call 911, what's the number?
46.What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech? A blonde driving through a flashing red light.
47.What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air? Collecting her thoughts.
48.What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other? An air mattress.
49. What do you call an intelligent blonde? A golden retriever.
50.Why do blondes wear a ponytail? To hide the valve stem.
51.How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? She has a checkbook.
52.How do you keep a blonde busy? Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them.
53.How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&M's.
54.Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she kept eating all of the ones with W's on them.
55.What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory? Proofreading.
56.Why did the blond bury her car engine? The battery was dead.
57.How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round hut and ask her to find the corner.
58.How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
59.If Tarzan and Jane were blonde what would Cheetah be? The most intelligent of the three!
60.Why do blondes run out side when it's thundering and lightening? They think they're getting their picture taken.
61.What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of cheerios? "Oh look!! doughnut seeds!!"
62.A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were driving along a country road when they saw a farm. They decided to get out and have a nose around. All of the sudden they see the farmer come out. "Get off my land!", he yells at the top of his voice obviously very angry The girls scatter and hide. The red head runs in to a pen full of sheep. The farmer yells, " Hey, I saw you go in there, come out here!" But the red head goes: "BAAAHHH" and after a while the farmer thought he might be mistaken and left. The brunette ran into a field full of cows and the farmer ran after her and yells, " Hey I saw you go in there, come out here!" But the brunette goes "MMMOOOO!" and after a while the farmer thought he might be mistaken and left. The blonde ran into the potato bin and the farmer chases her and yells " Hey I saw you go in there! Come out!". And the blonde goes "POTATO!"
63. This blonde went on a tour of an alligator swamp and then she decided to go buy some original alligator skin boots. She went to every store but they were all to expensive. She asked the assistant if there were any cheaper ones but he said no. So she said," I'll just go make my own" Later that day the store assitant was driving down the road, when he saw the blonde. She was up to her waist in the swamp wrestling with a 9 ft alligator. He was amazed. She dragged the alligator out of the water, flipped him over by the other 3 alligators and screamed,"This ones not wearing any boots either".
64.There was a poor blonde. She decided to hold a kid ransom for money, so she goes to the playground and grabs a kid. She writes a note "Leave 1 million dollars under the tree in the park or I won't return your kid. Signed, a blonde." She then pins the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mummy. The next day she goes to the park and sure enough there's a bag with 1 million dollars. There's also a note inside that reads: "How could you do this to another blonde."
65.What is the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 -way stop!
66.What do you call 10 blondes lined up in a row? A wind tunnel.
67.After a hard day of working out at the gym three blondes were going togo home but they discoverd that they had locked their keys in their convertible. They tried every thing to get them out; they used a clothes hanger, tried to pick the lock and any thing else they could think of. After about a hour one of the girls said in desperation, " We better hurry and get in! It's about to rain and we left the top down!"
68.Three blondes were walking down the beach when they came upon an old geenie lamp. When they rubbed it a geenie came out and granted them each a wish. The first blonde wished that she could be a little bit smarter than she was. The geenie waved his hands and she became a brunette. The second blonde wished that she could be a lot smarter than she was. The geenie waved his hands and she became a red head. The third blonde hesitated and stated that she would like to outdo them all and be smarter yet. The geenie turned her into a man.
69. A blonde was driving to Disneyland when she sees a sign: "Disneyland left". So she turned round and went home!
70.Why do blondes wear hoop ear rings? To have a place to hang their feet!
71.What do you call 10 blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes!
72.What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? Artiicial Intelligence.
73.How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool!
74.What do you call a Blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!
75.There were three blondes that decided to go deer hunting. They came across some tracks . One blonde said "I'll get a better look at them more closely." and as she crouched down the train ran her over!"
76.A blonde and a brunette are watching the 11pm news. The top story is about aman on a cliff about to commit suicide. A commercial comes and the brunette bets the blonde 20 dollars that the guy jumps. Sure enough, when the news comes back the man jumps. The Blonde gets out a twenty and tries to give it to the brunette who returns it claiming she didn't win it fairly. The Blonde insist it was fair and gives her the money again. The brunette says,"No, no! I watched the 6 clock news, I knew he was going to jump." Then the blonde says, "But I watched the earlier news too. I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice!"
77.What does a blonde say after six years of University? Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?
78.Why did the blonde couple die at the drive-in? They went to see "Closed for Winter".
79.Two blondes were walking along by the river; one was on the east side and the other on the west. The one on the east yells to the one on the west "How do you get to the other side?" and the other replies "You are on the other side!"
80.Three Blondes are walking, and they see tracks Blonde one says: "Hey, I think they're deer tracks!" Blonde two says: "No, no they're bear tracks!" Blonde three replies: "No, both of you are wrong, they're rabbit tracks." They were still discussing it when the train hit them!
81.Why did a blonde keep an empty milkbottle in her fridge? For those people that prefers black coffee.
82.There was a typical blonde named Suzy. She had long blonde hair, blue eyes and she was totally sick of all the blonde jokes; so one day she decided to get a make-over. She cut and dyed her hair and dyed her eyelashes. And to complete the feel good factor she went out andbought a brand new convertible. The next day she went driving down a country road and came across a h herdof sheep. She stopped and called the shepherd over. "Hey, That's a real nice flock of sheep," she said. "Well, thank you, miss" said the herder. "I have a proposition for you," said Suzy. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" "Why, Sure," said the herder, convinced no one could guess exactly. So Suzy sat up and looked at the herd for a few seconds, then replied, "178". "Wow!" said the herder. "Incredible. That's exactly right. Go ahead and pick out any sheep you want to take home.". So Suzy went and picked one out and put it in her car. The herder leaned over the convertible and said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you." "What is it?" queried Suzy. "Well," said the herder, "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
83.Two blondes are walking along the street when they see a mirror lying in the street. The first one picks it up and looks in it. "That face looks familiar", she says The second one grabs the mirror and looks at it. "Of course you do, you idiot, its me!"
84.Three blondes walked into this bar and one said, "Beer all around"! And so they toasted "Here's to 51 days"! So the bartender asks, "Hey, what are you guys celebrating?" To which one replied, "Well, the puzzle box said 2-3 years, and we finished it in 51 days!
85.How do you drive a blonde insane? Put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner!!
86.How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her that she is pregnant.
87.What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?? Pull the pin out and throw it back.
88.Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M company?? She counted all the 'M's and threw away all the 'W's.
89.A blonde and a brunet were walking down the street, and the brunet says, "Oh, look at that poor dead bird". The blonde looks up, "Where"?!?
90.Why did the blonde look at the frozen carton of orange juice for two hours? It said 'concentrate'.
91.How do you keep a Blonde amused for hours? Write "turn over" on both sides of a sheet of paper!
92.Why was the Blonde up on the roof? Someone said "The drinks are on the house!".
93.What do you you call 10 Blondes in a circle? A Dope Ring!
94.What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.
95.What does a blonde do when she looks in the mirror each morning? Introduce herself.
96.Why do blondes stick their heads out of car windows? To get a refill.
97.Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? They break the bottles when they put them in the typewriter.
98.Why do blondes always have at least one brunette with them? To interpret!
99.What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted.
100.What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown? Artificial Intelligence.
101.What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever
102.Why did the 3 blondes drown in the back of a pick up? They couldn't open the tail gate!
103.Why is it OK for a Blonde to catch a cold? They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out!
104.Why did the Blonde move house? She heard that 90% of accidents occur near the home!
105.Why did the Blonde steal a police car? She saw 911 on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
106.Why did the Blonde keep a wire coat hanger in her car? In case she locked the keys in!
107.Why is a Blonde like a beer bottle? Because they are both empty from the neck up!
8Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
9Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?
10Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side.
11Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
12Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
13Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
14Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read.
15Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
16Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes.
17Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.
18Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
19Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
20Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work? A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group? A: Air Supply.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? A: The Air Pump!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day? A:Give her a bottle of shampoo that says "Lather, rinse, repeat".
Q: Why did the blonde drop out of her remedial math class? A: She thought the marking system was unfair because only one in twenty students graduated in the top 20%.
Q: Why did 18 blondes go to the movies? A: Because the sign said "No one under 17 admitted."
Q: Why did the blonde pee on the floor? A: Because the sign said "Wet Floor"
Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A:Trying to put batteries in it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a grocery cart? A: A cart has a mind of its own.
Q:Someone asked if a blonde believed in smoking. A: She said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Q: Why does a blonde have an Q 1 point higher than a policehorse? A: So she won't shit on the street during a parade.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? A: Hide her hairbrush.
Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant.
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow
dryer! Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refriderator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A1: Because they don't know any better. A2: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: "What's a lightbulb?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A wine cellar.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? A: Peroxide.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you drown a blonde? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Don't tell her to swallow. A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.
Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES? A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
